Thanks to my older sister, I saw Jerry Seinfeld live at the Sony Centre Friday May 4.
He opened his act saying “Hellloooo Torrroooontooo! Toronto Canada! How do you sleep in a city with all this excitement! It’s crazy here!” Revving up the Seinfeld nasal pitch 100 notches, having the crowd laughing within five seconds.
His first bit was about the mistake of seeing a show on a Friday night.
“Oh God, tonight’s the show, THE SHOW. What was I thinking…on a Friday…we have to get there…but we should eat first, did you eat? Where are we going to eat? I’m starving we have to get dinner. Ah screw the show let’s just get something to eat.”
He followed this with a bit about how the hardest part of a marriage is leaving the house…
“Are you going to be ready? I know I will be, you better make sure you are. I’ll start getting ready when I need to. I’ll be ready before you. I know exactly what time I need to start getting ready” basically the words “Are you ready?!” waft through the air like a poisonous gas “I’m reeeaddddyy” hssssssssss “WELL I’M NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING READY!”
Some other notable bits paraphrased
- I was in line at a grocery store and saw a 5hr energy drink. 5HR ENERRGY written in bright letters. 5hrs? That’s an odd increment of time. When do you ever find yourself going “hold on. Wait. (panting). I can’t continue. I need. 5 hours. of energy”.
- The life course of a man is like a helium balloon. First the woman is holding on tight not letting go. Then eventually the man can barely hover on his own, floating around the house doing nothing but occasionally getting in peoples way. His kids sometimes stare at him with a look that suggests they are about to come over and say “excuse me sir, have you been helped? Mom it’s that guy who assists with the pony rides”
- There is coffee flavored alcohol. When do you ever need to be alert yet trashed at the same time? “Oh yes officer I AM aware of how fast I was driving, I saw the whole thing. Go ahead, bring me in, in fact I’ll start doing all the paper work right now”.
- What’s with the gap in bathroom stalls, can’t they make those doors close properly. Every once in a while you get that wandering eye, peering in. I am not a horse in a stable.
I am just not doing this justice. He’s in a league of his own. Though other comedians are better at stand up (Louis C.K, Chris Rock and dare I say Dane Cook produce more laughs per second) but nothing on television compares to Seinfeld. Not just for a sitcom, Seinfeld is the best television show ever, of any genre. I don’t even need to make an argument because it’s just an objective fact, but here it is
1.) Commercial success
Seinfeld had millions of viewers(3rd most watched season finale of all time, after Cheers and M.A.S.H) generated tons of money, and was at it’s prime when prime time television meant something.
Commercial success often detracts from intellectual cred, but Seinfeld is enjoyed by people who watch The Wire as much as those who prefer Dancing With the Stars. Anything that appeals to the masses not centered around breasts or fighting is really difficult to accomplish, and Seinfeld delivered in spades.
2.) Syndication
Best show for repeats, in fact it even improves the second and third time around. Unlike The Simpsons or Friends or The Office, it has no discernible cue as to which season it is. You never think “Oh this was before Jim and Pam were married, or this is Chandlers fat phase, Jennifer Anniston’s short hair season, that was a Conan O’Brien joke etc.” Seinfeld’s last season was as good as it’s third and never resorted to gimmicks like romance or character growth. That is why it is on many hours a day 7 days a week on multiple networks. Seinfeld is like a fine wine, better when consumed in large amounts.
3.) Notable Quotes/ Realness
How many times a week does someone say “just like in Seinfeld when…” That is what sets it apart from Breaking Bad or Mad Men or everything else. Even today someone was trying to figure out who stole her tic tacs, and we both immediately thought of the Sideler episode, when Elaine gives tic tacs to a coworker so she can hear him sidling. Never in casual conversation is someone like “Man, this is just like Sopranos”
Marshall McLuhan posited “media allows man to dream” which is why we have a generation of broke slackers with giant plans for future selves. Media transports us to emotionally charged worlds where anything is possible, escapism at its essence. But Seinfeld’s not transporting you to a different world, it’s pointing out the absurdity of the one you live in (i.e. trying to find a car in a giant parking lot, or when George plans to lead a full active life with his newfound free time , but rather ends up being incredibly lazy). When every other show helps you check out, Seinfeld makes you check in. Great show, glad I got to go.
Here are links to my top 5 moments
5.) Kramer decides to TCB at Brant Leland. Then gets fired from a job he doesn’t even have.
3.) Elaine Dance
2.) Man Hands
Bloughts 